Nineteen levels of gameplay using collage graphics, found sounds, and gameplay that wouldn't have been out of place on a shareware CD in 1996. This project was originally conceived as a demo for a bigger project--a horizontal shmup except instead of a gun you just get a knife--but while working on it SSZ:GCU quickly turned into a riff on the classic "Crystal Quest" and the games of Ambrosia Software, and I had a great time playing in that sandbox. Special thanks to the Tumblr vintage illustration community, in particular Danskjavlarna, Zoomar, Nemfrog, DeathAndMysticism, Clawmarks, and the Public Domain Review.